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<H4 ALIGN="center">
"Linux Gazette...<I>making Linux just a little more fun!</I>"
</H4>
<P> <hr> <P>
<H1><font color="maroon">The Back Page</font></H1>
<ul>
<li><a HREF="#wacho">Wacko Topic of the Month</a>
<li><a HREF="#nottag">Not The Answer Gang</a>
<li><a HREF="#spam">World of Spam</a>
<li><a HREF="#joke">Russian Joke of the Month</a>
</ul>
<a name="wacko"></a>
<P> <hr> <P>
<!--====================================================================-->
<center><H3><font color="maroon">Wacko Topic of the Month</font></H3></center>
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">How to be a hacker</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Iron, Dan Wilder, Frank Rodolph, Heather Stern,<BR>Ben Okopnik, Huibert Alblas, Thomas Adam
</strong></FONT></p>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/qbub.gif" ALT="(?)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0">
<STRONG>
hi sir i want to lern hacking how i can do this please mail me and
eplain in simple words
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> Buy a weedwhacker. Become a prep cook. Take up golf.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P>
<A HREF="http://jc316.stormpages.com/diablo/ocnewbiehack.html">http://jc316.stormpages.com/diablo/ocnewbiehack.html</A><BR>
<A HREF="http://www.collegemarketplace.com/INsider/golf.html">http://www.collegemarketplace.com/INsider/golf.html</A><BR>
<A HREF="http://www.ai.mit.edu/lab/olympics/2000/events/mini-golf/">http://www.ai.mit.edu/lab/olympics/2000/events/mini-golf/</A><BR>
<A HREF="http://www.golf-haha.com/index.html">http://www.golf-haha.com/index.html</A><BR>
<A HREF="http://www.pgaprofessional.com/glossary/h.html">http://www.pgaprofessional.com/glossary/h.html</A><BR>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Frank]
<P> This site might be helpful... One might have to learn Japanese first
though...
<A HREF="http://www.pfu.fujitsu.com/hhkeyboard/">http://www.pfu.fujitsu.com/hhkeyboard/</A>
(The Happy Hacking Keyboard)
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> Here's an <A HREF="http://www.pfuca.com/products/hhkb/hhkbindex.html">English version of the Happy Hacking site</A>.
And an <A HREF="../issue35/dinsel.html">LG review of the original Happy Hacking keyboard</A>.
And an LJ review by The Answer Gang's own Don Marti on using
<A HREF="http://www.linuxjournal.com/article.php?sid=4787"><CODE>vim</CODE> with the
Happy Hacking Keyboard Lite 2</A>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Heather]
<P> 1. refer to a dictionary so you are sure which definition of "hack" you want
to use. There is a nice 2c Tip this month about visiting Mirrian Webster's
dictionary website, or you might find the
<A HREF="http://www.tuxedo.org/~esr/jargon/">Jargon File</A> (aka. The New Hacker's Dictionary) useful.
<P> 2. follow directions for the right definition.
<P> a. I recommend starting with a light axe and smaller pieces of firewood. As
you work on bigger pieces you may want to use a hammer and wedge. The
best thing is that poor practice results with the smaller wood leads to
kindling size pieces, which are also needed for a good fireplace setup.
<P> By all means, don't forget to seriously clean the flue before using your
fireplace the first time in a season. You can seriously smoke yourself
out if you forget that, and carbon monoxide, being invisible, is especially
dangerous.
<P> b. Most Linux distributions make it easy to find source code for its tools.
Start with things which are shell scripts. Then learn perl, and study
things which are perl scripts. Learning a minimal amount of C will allow
you to look at the source code of "small" programs like ls or cat. As
your talents grow you might feel inclined to look at the kernel, or other
large programs that everyone uses. All the while make your own practice
programs and try to do things which are useful for your own purposes. When
these things are useful patches or programs to others, post them to project
maintainers or start up your own thing (maybe at Sourceforge).
<P> If the terms in this description are not "plain english" to you, you are
not yet ready to be a code hacker.
<P> c. th11s 11z != a cr@ckERz d-N d00d! Find an IRC channel somewhere. Try not
to get caught doing anything the al-Qaeda would do. Expect a lump of coal
in your stocking if you manage to hurt anybody with your internet joyride.
<P> /me cackles wickedly while splitting the next email thread with a medium size
wedge and light axe.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> well u hammer get and move then strike computer as
needed then you get your hacked piece.
<P> simple is this enough good for u??
<P> ok doodz, u understand now m8??
<P> luvely....
<P> I remember when Jim Dennis (the God Father) :-)
answered a question similar to this way back in LG
issue 21??? --- he has a knack for this sort of thing
:-)
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> I assume Thomas is talking about this answer:
<A HREF="../issue32/tag_phreak.html">phreaking</A>.
<a name="nottag"></a>
<P> <hr> <P>
<!--====================================================================-->
<center><H3><font color="maroon">Not The Answer Gang</font></H3></center>
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">More about Ben's reputation</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Ben Okopnik, Iron
</strong></FONT></p>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> I used to teach PC troubleshooting classes way back when. On the second
day, when everyone was at lunch, I'd hose their machines in different ways
(*OOOH* I was evil back then... &lt;waiting for a comment from Mike&gt; )
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> **Was** evil back then? What about now?
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> Ah. I'm basking in the glow of satisfaction; the world is complete, once
again.
<IMG ALT=":)" SRC="../gx/dennis/smily.gif" WIDTH="24" HEIGHT="24">
<P> As to your question, I shall ignore it with all the dignity I can muster.
Humph.
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">A windoze weenie gets it</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Thomas Adam, Iron, Ben Okopnik
</strong></FONT></p>
<STRONG>
I recently formated my machine and installed win 98 on it but now i got a
problem
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> Awww...I can *really* understand why.....I am so sorry you had to put Win98
onto your machine and not Linux :-((
<P>
<STRONG>
1)i am getting no sound.
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> It has been known that in the dead of night, computers such as those
running Windows98 do groan and moan about why they have such an awlful
operating system on them. Maybe you need to turn the speakers on (or connect
your internal speakers) to hear it
<IMG ALT=":)" SRC="../gx/dennis/smily.gif" WIDTH="24" HEIGHT="24">
<P>
<STRONG>
2)i cannot change from 16 to 256 colors or higher
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> Ha ha.....
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P>
<STRONG>
what shud i do or what driver shud i load i have
intel celeron and vintron motherboard 58 mb ram.
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> Driver??? Driver?? You must mean using the
following command:
<PRE>
insmod /lib/modules/kernel-version/some_file
</PRE>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> Using <CODE>modprobe</CODE> instead of <CODE>insmod</CODE> will
automatically load any driver this driver depends on.
<STRONG>
i tried intel 810-815... chipset vga driver fow
win98 but it did not work
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> Tell me Mr. [the querent], if you send an e-mail to an
address such as the following: <STRONG>Linux-questions-only at ssc.com</STRONG>.
Would that suggest to you "oh, maybe they know
something about Windows???" -- I should hope not.
It would be a great help if you actually READ the
e-mail address that you are sending it to.
<P> And now, I shall do Heather Stern's piece:
<PRE>
* * * * * * * THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR * * * * * * *
Hi, you've reached the Linux Gazette Answer Gang....
Linux ::::::::: a modern operating system not much like any of:
--- DOS -- Windows -- Solaris -- MacOS -- alien starships ---
... except occasionally, an ability to run on the same hardware.
Gazette ::::::: published more regularly than "almanac." In our case:
--- a monthly web-based magazine, home: www.linuxgazette.com
Answer Gang ::: Not the "lazy college student's UNstudy group"
--- nor the "hey d00dz help me cRaK my neighBoorZ klub"
</PRE>
<P> Have a nice day :-)
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">The great riffle caper</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Thomas Adam, Ben Okopnik, Iron, Dan Wilder, Don Marti, Frank Rodolf
</strong></FONT></p>
<STRONG>
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> Tut tut, this question is in HTML format.
<P> Hey Heather....lets nab him!!
<P> &lt;In the distance a figure looking like Ben (with those
dark sun glasses), is pointing a riffle at the accused
Win98 user&gt;
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> I'm so sorry, Thomas; all my riffles are currently in use. Those darn
California gold-miners always have them out on rental... Besides, it's
fairly hard to point one: it kinda stays pointing the way you build it.
<P> Seriously, though - I'm not very much of a Linux zealot; other people are
welcome to run whatever they want. I know what works well for me, and I do
indeed attempt to proselytize those who are stuck with OSs that they hate -
but it's a big wide world out there, and
<A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/ben-fuzzybear/acronyms.html#YKIOKIJNMK">YKIOKIJNMK</A> is one of my mantras.
<P>
<STRONG>
send me free linux cd then
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> --Hum, Do you know what the "Open Source Movement"
is?? I suggest you read the book "rebel code"....
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> And then after we decline to help him, he demands a free Linux CD?
No wonder his e-mail service is ToughGuy.net (run by PunkAss Enterprises
of Boston, MA, USA, an organization with no web site). I wonder if he's
a scr!pT K]dDiE too....
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P> Riffle? That's the fast water between pools in a stream.
<P> I'd be pretty scared if somebody was pointing a riffle at me;
Lessee, small stream, maybe 5m across, .25m average depth,
that's 1.25 m**2 cross section, if the riffle is 15m long
that's 18.75 m**3 of water, plus surrounding streambed. I wanna
be pretty well clear of anybody strong enough to lift that,
let alone point it!!!
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> It's also what you call a gold-separating trough, as well as the stuff at
the bottom of it (these days, a lot of folks use Astro-Turf. <shrug> Go
figure.)
<P> That was what I was riffing on... :)
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P> Yeah, I don't know anything about gold-separating troughs. Tho I can
see how it'd be called a "riffle" ... region of faster-moving water, with
maybe some bumps to it. Calling its bed a "riffle" seems like
taking some liberty with the term, but I guess you need to call it
something, and maybe "bed" doesn't sound obscure enough.
<H3>Then in another thread...</H3>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Frank]
<P> Lowering the case (S20hwclock -> s20hwclock) is used - as Mike pointed
out - to disable the execution of the script totally, without losing
the info about where it normally is...
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> As Ben pointed out.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Frank]
<P> Oops... Sorry guys... You just look so much alike... :)
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> Do you want a riffle sniper on your doorstep?
<IMG ALT=":)" SRC="../gx/dennis/smily.gif" WIDTH="24" HEIGHT="24">
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> ITYM "riffle snipper". Beware of the Snip of Doom.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> &lt;whines&gt;....
<P> My spelling is terrible, lol.....
<P> Thanks for picking that one out Dan. I'd be scared if
someone was pointing a river at me!!
<P> Also, I would just like to point out that you are
wrong about what a "riffle" is.
<P> Ehem.....having done A-Level Geography, a "riffle" is
created from turbulent flow, which only occurs within
meanders.....
<P> so that means that you'll be pointing a bendy river
<IMG ALT=":)" SRC="../gx/dennis/smily.gif" WIDTH="24" HEIGHT="24">
<IMG ALT=":)" SRC="../gx/dennis/smily.gif" WIDTH="24" HEIGHT="24">
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P> Try walking some trout streams. Mostly they don't meander,
at least in this mountainous part of the country, but you'll
find pools and riffles alternating nonetheless. Smooth
and turbulent flow.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> If I recall correctly from my trout-fishing days, "head-pool-run-riffle" is
the repeated structure that makes up a mature stream. The length of the
sequence is mainly dependent on the stream width and rate of flow. As Dan
says, most of them don't meander; this structure is a result of the water
carrying silt, building up a restriction where it settles, speeding up
through the restriction, and slowing down as it exits.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Heather]
<P> Oh, so <EM>that's</EM> where you get the trout cluebats to flog people
with.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P> Real streams are contingent things, at least at the scale of
human beings, full of rock outcrops, changes in the lie of the land,
slide debris, logs and other noise. And silt, carried predictibly by
faster water to deposit in slower water. Also gravel, cobbles, and
bolders, carried during the spate when the babbling brook becomes
the raging torrent, its flow influenced by factors ordinarily far above
its waterline. As it erodes slowly headward, carrying all to
lower ground, the things it can reach, first, the rest, later.
<P> Surprising how hard it is to get a model stream running on a
uniform substrate to behave according to the model. I've tried.
Enough to wonder to what extent the patterns we see in streams are
just our poor minds seeking to impose order where there lies only chaos.
<P> Though I must vouch for the repetition of the pool-and-riffle
pattern. With, as Ben says, each pool having head and tail,
each with their own implications for the behavior of the elusive
trout.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> Oh, definitely. Dan... you've got me thinking about four-pound test, and
turning over rocks for bait, and rationalizing that maybe the water isn't
all <EM>that</EM> cold yet. It just ain't fair, I tell ya... I've done close to
zero freshwater fishing in the past ten years; it's all been big-game
saltwater stuff - 1/4" nylon line, 6 feet of solid stainless steel wire for
leader, 7/0 forged SS hooks baited with a foot-long ballyhoo, and /sauve
qui peut/ once you hook into the big bastard. As much fun as that can be,
I've just realized how much I've missed the fine, subtle game that trout
fishing can be. Well... they _did_ just open a new Outdoor World near
here... I think I've got a field trip coming up tomorrow, with a bit of
local stream research thrown in. <grin>
<P> Oh, the weird and wonderful ways that discussions of Linux can go...
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> All this talk about pools and riffles (and trouts)
makes me think of the following song:
<P> Schubert, Trout quintet in A major (I played the piano
part in the Leder....lots of semi-quavers, quite
difficult).
<P> Of course he is singing about catching this
fish....which he does eventually. I wonder if he saw
these pools and riffles????
<P> What?????
<P> &lt;Here come the men in white coats....&gt;
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P> Yes, we've gotten pretty far afield, so to speak.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> This riffle discussion is perfect for The Back Page.
Heather, we'll need to split the thread cleanly somewhere.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> Just where the pool meets that enticing little backwater, slightly to the
left of that branch would be a good place.
<P> &lt;The line makes a 'shhhhhusshhh' sound as the tiny Panther Martin spinner
traces an arc through the still air above Loch Raven...&gt;
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">Paul Revere</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Thomas Adam, Ben Okopnik, Huibert Alblas, Iron, Don Marti
</strong></FONT></p>
<STRONG>
--- Walter asks:
<P> Why hasn't the Linux world come to the idea that WINDOWS is a good idea and
start making linux work just like MS windows without all the MicroDumb
BooBoo's. Do like Paul Revere did, he did not make the cooking pots different
he just made them better.
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Thomas]
<P> Now, now where is that axe??? Damn, don't tell me Ben
has borrowed it again to go on one of those
"trips"..... oh well.....
<P> Walter, Walter dear boy what's going on?? Are you mad?
I think you are. Linux is NOTHING like Windows and it
will remain that way. If you are after a Linux based
MS-Windows OS, then Microsoft released their own
version of Unix with MS apps embedded in it.....try
that.
<P> BUT, don't leave the land of Linux *just* yet......KDE
offers a "Windows" feel to it.
Also, FVWM95 has a near complete look and feel of
Windows.
The "IceWM" also provides a similar style to
Windows...
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> [A pregnant pause. Birds twitter in the trees; the sun shines; all seems
eerily normal, a calm that bears no hint of the edge-of-the-seat suspense.]
<P> ...
<P> AHEM!
<P> No comment.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Halb]
<P> Who is this Paul Revere guy? The only time I heard the name Paul Revere
was on the License To Ill Album from the Beasty Boys. The track is
called Paul Revere, but in the song text, its the name of a horse.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> <A HREF="http://www.encyclopedia.com/articles/10919.html">http://www.encyclopedia.com/articles/10919.html</A>
<P> "Revere became a figure of popular history and legend, however, because
of his ride on the night of Apr. 18, 1775, to warn the people of the
Massachusetts countryside that British soldiers were being sent out in
the expedition that, as it turned out, started the American
Revolution.... it is Revere who is remembered as the midnight rider,
chiefly because of the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow."
<P> <A HREF="http://eserver.org/poetry/paul-revere.html">Paul Revere's Ride</A>
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:
<BLOCKQUOTE>
Listen my children and you shall hear<BR>
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,<BR>
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;<BR>
Hardly a man is now alive<BR>
Who remembers that famous day and year.
<P> He said to his friend, "If the British march<BR>
By land or sea from the town to-night,<BR>
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch<BR>
Of the North Church tower as a signal light,--<BR>
One if by land, and two if by sea;<BR>
And I on the opposite shore will be,<BR>
Ready to ride and spread the alarm<BR>
Through every Middlesex village and farm,<BR>
For the country folk to be up and to arm." ...
</BLOCKQUOTE>
The most famous quote here is, "One if by land, two if by sea."
<P> We learned the poem in elementary school. Although looking
back, there's no way we could have understood since I had
no concept of what Middlesex or a farm or a belfry was.
<BLOCKQUOTE>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> I believe that the correct term nowadays is "bisexual", and
any term that connotes "fence-sitter" is frowned upon.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> Of course, Middlesex is an area of Massechussetts, which was named after
a region in England.
Although, us Yanks never could understand how Brits can use terms like
Middlesex and Sussex while keeping a straight face.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> Oh, the people who named the towns in the US were no less obsessed.
<IMG ALT=":)" SRC="../gx/dennis/smily.gif" WIDTH="24" HEIGHT="24">
<PRE>
ben@Baldur:~/devel/geo$ grep -ci sex US_Concise.txt
326
</PRE>
Not to mention Intercourse, Pennsylvania and such...
</BLOCKQUOTE>
<P> Paul Revere was also a silversmith, and there's still a line of
high-quality pots and pans ("Revere ware") named after him. He also
forged pewter utinsels, I think.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> Why, he never! Paul Rever, a forger? I won't believe it! I'm sure that his
pewter utensils were perfectly original. &lt;sniff&gt;
<P> (Note: Pewter is cast, not forged.)
<P> &lt;Smile&gt; I remember the '1 if
by LAN, 2 if by C' (erm... it _sounds_ right...) &lt;shrug&gt; I thought he
rode horses and yelled at people for a living, or something.
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">1001 uses for a dead hard drive</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Iron, Dan Wilder, Don Marti
</strong></FONT></p>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> Our sysadmin Dan Wilder suggests that a dead drive makes a
good weight for a fishing line....
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Dan]
<P> Can be used for taking depth soundings also.
<P> Another use for a dead drive: it contains a couple of magnets
that are GREAT for picking up small ferromagnetic items, such
as spilled machine screws or carpet tacks. Also useful for confining
map pins and paper clips to one corner of the desk drawer. I wouldn't
be without one! In fact I have a couple in my desk drawer, some
in each toolbox, and the kids each have a couple to play with.
<P> Just don't stick it on the fridge. Might be useful for holding small
piles of recipes, but don't stick it to the fridge without a generous
cushion or it may chip the paint.
<P> Many drives are assembled with odd drivers for the screwheads. To
disassemble, use a small drill to remove the screwheads, when you
find you don't have a suitable driver.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> This is also good info for the person who wanted advice on starting a
cybercafe. The chipped paint may make the health department inspectors
nervous.
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> &lt;shrug&gt; Then you'd just use the magnet to stick <EM>them</EM> to the fridge,
until they realize that chipped paint is wonderful, no, they have no
problems with it <EM>whatsoever</EM>, it was all a mistake...
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Don]
<P> Action Surplus in Sunnyvale, California has all the bastard spawn
"security through strange screwhead" drivers.
<P> Save the cheap Allen wrenches you get with stuff to assemble it -- you
can hammer an Allen wrench into some of those strange screws, then turn
it (if you don't want the screw afterward)
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Ben]
<P> &lt;Evil Genius laugh&gt; A Dremel tool with a steel-cutting disk makes a "flat"
screw out of any of those strange ones in about three seconds. I have
reason to know...
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Don]
<P> I've done this too but the ones on hard drives are countersunk
below the level of the drive frame. You could cut a slot if you
were willing to cut the drive frame too.
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
<H3 ALIGN="center"><FONT COLOR="green">Compare and contrast</FONT></H3>
<p align="right"><FONT COLOR="#000000"><strong>Answered By Iron
</strong></FONT></p>
<STRONG>
Compare and contrast the computer sytem to the manual system. Please heip me
out.
</STRONG>
<P>
<IMG SRC="../gx/dennis/bbub.gif" ALT="(!)"
HEIGHT="28" WIDTH="50" BORDER="0"
> [Iron]
<P> The phrase "compare and contrast" raises warning bells because it sounds
like a homework question, so my instinctive answer is, "Figure it out
for yourself. That's why your teacher/professor gave you the question."
<P> However, we may feel inclined to give some amusing answers if you give
us more precise information. "The manual system" of what? Playing
chess on a computer vs a chessboard has a different impact than word
processing on a computer vs a typewriter, and both are different from
engineering with a computer vs engineering without, or building
animation movies on a computer vs in Walt Disney's day.
<a name="spam"></a>
<P> <hr> <P>
<!--====================================================================-->
<center><H3><font color="maroon">World of Spam</font></H3></center>
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
ATTENTION!!!THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN PRESENTED AND PROVED EFFICIENT
ON NATIONAL TV. IT REALLY WORKS!!!!!!
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
I'm having a tax problem and I want you to be the beneficiary
instead of the IRS...
My business has had a phenomenal year so far in 2001. In fact,
we've done so well I'm probably going to pay 2<> times more corporate
taxes than I did last year. And if we make any more money this year,
the tax problem will only get worse... I'll have to pay even more
money to the IRS.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
our company is located in Dubai , just we would like to know if you sell
this scratch machine , what I mean its a machine then you can pass the cards
through this machine then it will be scratched .
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
No HYPE!!! No BULL!!!
Reading this E-Mail Could Change Your Life!
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
The latest domain name extension is here .SEX!!! It's the fresh ,new,
exciting web address that is taking the world by storm.
Who wants to be .com when you can now be .SEX
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
ATTENZIONE nel messagio di posta elettronica a voi indirizzato, &egrave; stato
riscontrato il seguente VIRUS: (TROJ_SIRCAM.A), data: 08/21/2001 19:08:34, nel
file (PROPELLER, 9 MAGGIO.doc.com). Al fine di tutelare la vostra sicurezza e
quella di tutti gli utenti della rete il messaggio &egrave; stato disinfettato.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Now, if you order by November 16, you can save over $2,000.00. For our
$1,495.00 special price, you receive not only [the product] at a thousand
dollar discount, network ready, but two user licenses and a link to
either Peach Tree, QuickBooks or Excel, which normally would be an
additional charge of over a thousand dollars.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Introducing THE EVIDENCE ELIMINATOR - the **only** safe way to surf the net.
Make it safer to use the Internet - All in one click of your mouse!
<P> Did you know... that your computer is spying on you?
Did you know for example that every click you make on Windows Start Menu is logged and stored permanently on a hidden encrypted database within your own computer?
Your PC is keeping frightening records of both your online and off-line activity.
<P> Any of the Web Pages, Pictures, Movies, Videos, Sounds, E-mail and Everything Else you or anyone else have ever viewed could easily be recovered - even many years later!
How would you feel if somebody snooped this information out of your computer and made it public?
Do your children or their friends use your computers?
What have they downloaded and tried to delete?
<P> You deserve a far more rewarding and safer Internet experience!
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Are you ready to upgrade your web site for e-commerce or drastically improve
your current shopping cart system? Most on-line retailer's success or failure is largely
determined by the quality and flexibility of their e-commerce solution.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
<STRONG>Subject: Confidence is now for sale</STRONG>
<P> Protect yourself against CRIME and TERRORISM! Experience the difference of
knowing you can protect yourself. Even if you never have to use that pe pper
spray or stun gun you are carrying, you will <EM> feel more secure and
confident</EM></b> knowing that it's there.
<UL>
<LI> Animal Repellers
<LI> Diversion Safes
<LI> Hidden Cameras
<UL>
<LI> Wired
<LI> Wireless
</UL>
<LI> Home Protection
<LI> Knives
<UL>
<LI> Butterfly Knives
<LI> Folding Knives
</UL>
<LI> Mace Spray
<UL>
<LI> Mace Pepper Foam
<LI> Mace Pepper Spray
<LI> Mace Triple-Action Sprays
<LI> Michigan-Approved Sprays
</UL>
<LI> Miscellaneous
<UL>
<LI> Blowguns
<LI> Crossbows
<LI> Garrett Super Scanner
<LI> Handcuffs
<LI> Kubotans
<LI> Safety Lights
<LI> Throwing Stars
<LI> Voice Changer
</UL>
<LI> Gas Masks
<LI> Pepper Spray
<UL>
<LI> Pepper Shot Pepper Spray
<LI> Wildfire 15%_Pepper_Spray
</UL>
<LI> Personal Alarms
<LI> Stun Guns
<UL>
<LI> Accessories
<LI> Stun/Alarm Flashlights
<LI> Stun Batons 300k-500kv
<LI> Stun Master 100k-300kv
<LI> Stun Master 625kv
<LI> Talon 80k-250kv
</UL>
<LI> Tasers
<UL>
<LI> Air Taser
<LI> M-18 Advanced Taser
</UL>
</UL>
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Subject: Cofres funebres Colombianos - Funeral coffins
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Ever wanted to gamble on-line? This is your chance to avoid shady casinos and
their practices. We have scrutinized 100's of on-line casinos so you won't
have to! All of these choice casinos offer promotions and bonus dollars to get
you started. Get up to $100 FREE.
<BLOCKQUOTE><EM>
[And they are not shady? -Iron.]
</EM></BLOCKQUOTE>
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Subject: RE: My Password
<P>
THIS SITE IS THE NASTIEST F*%$#ING SITE YOU WILL EVER SEE<BR>
Our @#$%s will blow your mind and your co^%!
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
I believe we both have Internet businesses! Perhaps you'd be interested in
these freebies.
<P> All are free to join, no strings By joining the first you'll receive a lot of free
software for your business including an email address extractor.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Stock Alert Newsletter
<PRE>
[Company name]
Symbol: ^%$#
Exchange: OTCBB
Recent Price: $2.50
52 Week Range: $1.00 - 6.25
Shares Outstanding: 11.9 million
Estimated Float: 1.5 Million
</PRE>
On October 8, ^%$# announced that they were acquiring a California brokerage
called &amp;*( Securities. They expect to use &amp;*(&amp; as a vehicle to buyout other
stockbrokers while prices are currently depressed. Due to this aggressive strategy,
we believe that the company is about to make the turnaround into a well-known,
profitable firm.
<P> Since [company name] only went public in June, this is the first time they have been
featured in a stock market write up. This gives Stock Alert readers a GROUND FLOOR
opportunity.
<P> Disclaimer: The publisher of Stock Alert Newsletter has received a fee of 5000
shares of ^%$# from a shareholder, and may buy or sell shares at any time.
&amp;^* %^*^&amp; Services provides an e-mail delivery service on behalf of
securities issuers and publishers that circulate information about a company or
the company's securities. The publisher of this newsletter has agreed to pay
&amp;^* %^*^&amp; Services ten thousand dollars as payment to circulate this
newsletter via electronic mail to e-mail addresses contained in &amp;^*
%^*^&amp; Services database. To read entire disclaimer, please click here.
<BLOCKQUOTE><EM>
[If you don't see the scam, read the first sentance of the disclaimer again. -Iron.]
</EM></BLOCKQUOTE>
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
The GOVERNMENT thinks it OWNS you!
It thinks YOU are its PROPERTY!
<P> You can BREAK their grip on you, and TAKE CONTROL of
yourself and your property (including earnings) -- so
they can NEVER confiscate ANY of it, ever again! You
can learn how to:
<UL>
<LI> FORCE the IRS to pay any tax liabilities FOR you!
<LI> HALT Mortgage Foreclosures!
<LI> STOP Credit Card liens!
<LI> KILL Lawsuits!
<LI> TAKE CONTROL of any trial and force the Judge to give
YOU the Order of the Court.
<LI> and, much, much more!
</UL>
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
We are sending you this email because A) We are both members of the same Opt
in list, B) You submitted a classified link to one of our pages, C) You sent
an email to one of our addresses in the past. If you were not the intended recipient
of this message, please accept our apologies and delete.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
This message uses a character set that is not supported by the Internet
Service. To view the original message content, open the attached message.
If the text doesn't display correctly, save the attachment to disk, and then
open it using a viewer that can display the original character set.
<PRE>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=3D"DEFAULT_CHARSET"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
</PRE>
STOP!<BR>
URGENT MESSAGE!<BR>
PLEASE READ COMPLETELY!<BR>
It is important that you read this message as soon as possible.
Again I urge you to read this message to its fullest! Last year
72% of bankruptcies could have been saved by an extra $200 a
month.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Save up to 80% on Dental Services!
Plan Includes Free Prescription, Vision and Chiropractic Plan
For only $11.95 Per Month for an individual membership $19.95
a Month for the entire Household.
<BLOCKQUOTE><EM>
[Considering that a normal inadequate dental plan in the US costs at least $25/month
for just one person, I don't think so. A normal cheapo plan will cover
$1000 worth of treatment a year. That rate was set thirty years ago when
$1000 </EM>could<EM> pay for a couple surgeries as well as regular checkups. Try having
two dental surgeries <EM>this</EM> year and see how far $1000 goes. (Hint:
you'll have to pay around $800 additional out of your own pocket.)
-Iron.]
</EM></BLOCKQUOTE>
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
We produce/export bamboo mats, bamboo flooring, wood flooring and multifarious
wooden massage implements, etc.
Please contact us if you are interested in any of our items.
<HR NOSHADE WIDTH="80%"> <!--*********************** -->
Whether it is bad checks, or unpaid invoices, why not let a trustworthy
collection professional help you with your past due customers?
<P> What makes our company unique is that we will custom design a collection
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<UL>
<LI> 15-day Free Demand Letter- We will custom design a collection letter,
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<LI> Send a series of a collection letters at no additional charge. When you
refer accounts to %^&amp;*(* Protection Services, we will send a series of
collection letters to your customers as well as contact them by phone. RPS
does not charge its clients for letter series.
</UL>
<a name="joke"></a>
<P> <hr> <P>
<!--====================================================================-->
<center><H3><font color="maroon">Russian Joke of the Month</font></H3></center>
<P> <HR> <P>
<!--======================================================================-->
<P>
Quick translation of a Russian joke -
<BLOCKQUOTE>
The UN poses the following question to the assembled representatives of
different countries: "Please state your opinion about the lack of
sufficient food in other countries."
<P> Many of the representatives ran into insurmountable problems:<BR>
<UL>
<LI> No one in Africa knew the meaning of "sufficient food".
<LI> No one in Western Europe knew the meaning of "lack".
<LI> No one in Eastern Europe knew the meaning of "opinion".
<LI> No one in the US knew the meaning of "other countries".
</UL>
</BLOCKQUOTE>
<P>
Ben Okopnik<BR>
-=-=-=-=-=-
<HR> <!-- ************************************************************** -->
<P> Happy Linuxing!
<P> Mike ("Iron") Orr<br>
Editor, <A HREF="http://www.linuxgazette.com/"><i>Linux Gazette</i></A>, <A
HREF="mailto:gazette@ssc.com">gazette@ssc.com</a>
<BR CLEAR="all">
<!-- *** END Not Linux *** -->
<!-- *** BEGIN copyright *** -->
<P> <hr> <P>
<H5 ALIGN=center>
Copyright &copy; 2001, the Editors of <I>Linux Gazette</I>.<BR>
Copying license <A HREF="../copying.html">http://www.linuxgazette.com/copying.html</A><BR>
Published in Issue 73 of <i>Linux Gazette</i>, December 2001</H5>
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