151 lines
5.5 KiB
HTML
151 lines
5.5 KiB
HTML
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<title>Linux Humor LG #49</title>
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<H4>
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"Linux Gazette...<I>making Linux just a little more fun!</I>"
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</H4>
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<P> <HR> <P>
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<center>
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<H1><font color="maroon">Linux Humor</font></H1>
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<H4>By <a href="mailto:mso@ssc.com">Mike Orr</a></H4>
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<P> <HR> <P>
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<BLOCKQUOTE><EM>
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[The following was passed on to us by
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<A HREF=mailto:debaker@ispchannel.com>David Baker</A>. -Ed.]
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</EM></BLOCKQUOTE>
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<H2>Linux Hors d'Oeuvres</H2>
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<P> Here is a recipe for the
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cutest hors d'oeuvres, perfect for a Linux lunch or reception.
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<P> Slice a raw carrot into 1/8" thick discs. Cut a triangular wedge pie
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shape out of it and save the wedge. The disc becomes the feet and the
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wedge is the beak. Slice a Jumbo sized black olive lengthwise on one
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side, open it slightly and sutff cream cheese so that it shows about
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1/4" wide. Stick a toothpick through it and into the carrot disc. This
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makes the body of the penguin. Slice a Large sized black olive
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crosswise, deep enough to stick the beak into and assemble it on the
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tooth pick for the head.
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<P> Our penguin factory can produce one in about two minutes using mass
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production. Make a big plateful because they sure go fast.
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<HR> <!-- ******************************************************** -->
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<BLOCKQUOTE><EM>
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[The following was contributed by
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<A HREF=mailto:silkythreads>silkythreads@home.com</A>. -Ed.]
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</EM></BLOCKQUOTE>
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<H2>Twas the Night before Y2K</H2>
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<PRE>
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Twas the night before Y2k, and all through the nation
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We awaited "The Bug", the Millennium sensation.
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The chips were replaced in the computers with care,
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In hopes that ol'Bugsy wouldn't stop there.
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While some folks could think they were snug in their beds,
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Others had visions of dread in their heads.
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And Ma with her PC, and I with my Mac
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had just logged on the Net and kicked back with a snack.
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When over the server, there arose such a clatter
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I called help-support to see what was the matter.
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But the support line line was busy, so I flew like a flash
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Off to my bank to withdraw all my cash.
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Then what do my wandering eyes chance to see ?
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My good ol'Mac looked awfully sick to me.
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The hack of all hackers was looking so smug,
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I knew that it must be the Y2K Bug !
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His image downloaded in no time at all,
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He whistled and shouted "Let all systems fall!"
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"Go Intel! Go Gateway! Now HP! Big Blue!
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Everything Compaq! and Pentium too!
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All processors big, all processors small,
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Crash away! Crash away! Crash away all!
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All the controls that planes need for their flights,
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All microwaves, trains, and all traffic lights!"
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As I drew in my breath and was turning around,
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Out through the modem, he came with a bound.
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He was covered with fur, and slung on his back
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Was a sackful of virus, set for attack.
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His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
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As midnight approached, though, things soon became scary.
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He had a broad little face and a round ugly belly
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filled with nasty moving things, which quivered like jelly.
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His little bug face was perpetually grinning,
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I laughed when I saw him, though my hard drive had stopped spinning.
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A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
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Soon gave me to know a whole lot of dread.
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He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work;
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He changed all the clocks, the turned with a jerk.
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With a twitch of his nose and a quick little wink,
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All things electronic soon went on the blink.
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He zoomed through my system, to the next folks on the line,
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He caused such a distruption. Could this be a sign?
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Then I heard him exclaim with cheery delight
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"Happy Y2K to you, on one helluva night!"
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</PRE>
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<!-- *** BEGIN copyright *** -->
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<P> <hr> <P>
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<H5 ALIGN=center>
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Copyright © 2000, Mike Orr<BR>
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Published in Issue 49 of <i>Linux Gazette</i>, January 2000</H5>
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