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CLASS="sect1"
><A
NAME="AEN168">3. Do's and don't's of encouraging women in Linux</H1
><P
>Encouraging women in Linux involves both learning what to do,
and learning what to stop doing. We'll present our ideas in "do" and
"don't" pairs, since having only a list of things to do or a list of
things not to do is not as helpful as having both. Some of these
suggestions may seem insultingly obvious to you personally, but for
many other people, they aren't obvious. Each of these suggestions is
based on multiple real-life encounters with people for whom these
ideas weren't obvious. Try not to dismiss any of the ideas--these are
real suggestions from real women, the women you presumably want to
attract to Linux. Also, most of these suggestions are not
gender-specific, and will help to attract all types of people to
Linux.</P
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN171">3.1. Don't tell sexist jokes</H2
><P
>Sexist jokes are the number one way to drive women out of any
group, and they are more common than many people realize. I have more
than once heard a man say that he doesn't make that kind of joke, and
then hours or minutes later, hear the same person make a joke about
pregnant women or PMS. Sometime he just doesn't realize that he made
a sexist joke, for example, "blonde jokes" are actually "dumb women"
jokes. Sometimes he tells me that it's okay to make a sexist joke if
it's true, or it's funny (funny to whom?). What some people fail to
realize is that jokes about gender of any sort almost always make fun
of women, and will make most women angry, regardless of the context.
It doesn't help to first make a sexist joke about men and then one
about women.</P
><P
>You can argue that women shouldn't be so sensitive (and I will
disagree with you) but even then, regardless of should or should not,
your comments and jokes are driving women away. If that's not what
you want, then don't make sexist jokes. If you're not sure if your
joke is sexist, find something else to say.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN175">3.2. Do protest sexist jokes</H2
><P
>The next time you see someone joking about women on your local
mailing list or in person, complain about it. It's difficult to do
this without making yourself a target for ridicule, but it's even more
difficult for a woman to do the same thing. Women keep silent when we
see sexist jokes because if we protest, we will immediately be
attacked for being over-sensitive, uptight, or a "feminazi." (Note:
NEVER use the term "feminazi." It discredits all feminists, and
trivializes the victims of the Nazi Holocaust. Consider how
ridiculous it sounds to call people like Rush Limbaugh "male
chauvinazis" and you may understand why "feminazi" is so emotionally
loaded.)</P
><P
>The best way to fight back against sexist jokes is with humor.
If someone replies to a post about the technical achievements of a
woman with "Is she single?" reply with, "Gee, Jeff, no wonder YOU'RE
still single." Every time a woman sees a sexist joke or comment, she
feels angry, left out, and belittled. Every time a woman sees a man
stand up against this behavior, she feels included and
valued.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN179">3.3. Don't call people bitches</H2
><P
>Using the word "bitch" (and several other words) is derogatory
to women, no matter whom the word is referring to. I wouldn't have
bothered to include this except that it's apparently not as obvious as
I thought, as I have recently heard Linux developers use "bitch" in a
serious manner with apparent nonchalance.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN182">3.4. Do show some respect</H2
><P
>Talk respectfully about all women, not just the women you're
attracted to, as well as all other kinds of humans of all ages and
appearances. If you don't do this, women will tend to assume that you
will treat them as badly as the people you're insulting and avoid
you. </P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN185">3.5. Don't take the keyboard away</H2
><P
>This is a general problem when teaching anyone something new,
but it happens more often to women. Someone asks a question, and
instead of telling that person the answer, you take away the keyboard
and type in the command yourself. Don't do this! It makes it much
more difficult to learn and it makes the other person feel stupid and
helpless. In general, give people a chance to learn how to do things
themselves if they're interested in learning. You may think you're
doing a friend a favor by fixing her Apache configuration while she's
gone, but if she's trying to learn how to configure Apache, then
you're not actually helping her.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN188">3.6. Do give directions and explain them clearly</H2
><P
>While it is much harder for you to take the time and patience to
explain what to do and why, and then spell out the command to type,
it's worth it in the long run because the other person is learning and
you're less likely to ever have to answer that question again.
Specifically, women will feel more confident in their own abilities if
you allow them to type the command themselves.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN191">3.7. Don't make sexual advances towards women</H2
><P
>Imagine a bar or a pub full of sports fans, fans of a game which
you don't know much about or like. Imagine that they're all taller
and stronger than you, speak in a language you only halfway
understand, and belittle anyone who isn't totally focused on their
sport. Now imagine that you walk into this bar, wearing a shirt that
says, "I AM NOT A FAN OF ANY SPORT." Just imagine it for a minute.
How would you feel? Nervous? Afraid? Different? Out of
place?</P
><P
>You begin to have a teeny-tiny idea of what it's like to be the
only woman in a large group of men.</P
><P
>Keep that feeling of nervousness in mind when you read the rest
of this paragraph. When you immediately make a sexual advance to a
woman at a LUG or online, you're making her feel like she's not part
of the community, like she's under attack, and like she is risking
being ostracized if she turns you down or offends you. Remember, this
isn't a friendly one-on-one situation where she feels comfortable
turning you down, she's surrounded by the equivalent of the
aforementioned huge sports fans. She's trying to fit in and be part
of the group, and by hitting on her, you're cutting her out of the
herd and isolating her from the group. Women grow up with the
constant fear and awareness of being attacked by men, and as silly as
it may seem, it colors all her interactions, no matter how safe or
mundane they may seem to men.</P
><P
>Like any other human being, a woman wants to have friends and be
appreciated for who she is. Every time she gets an email asking her
on a date, she is reminded that she isn't viewed as part of the group,
but instead as different, an object of desire, and is certainly not
being judged on her technical merit alone.</P
><P
>This may be hard to stomach, but you need to not hit on women
who show up for Linux events, at least not right away. In all
likelihood, you are NOT throwing away your only chance at true love by
not coming on to her immediately, but you are throwing away your
chance to have a fun new member of the Linux community. And even if
you still think you're missing a chance at true love, keep in mind
that many women brave enough to show up at a LUG or your local mailing
list will frequently make the first move anyway. By hitting on them
at the first opportunity, you're scaring them away, and you're also
scaring away all the other women who might have become interested if
the first woman had stayed.</P
><P
>This goes double for women you meet over email or on IRC. You
may think that your "Are you single?" line is hysterically witty and
suave, but she's heard it a million times. Even if you're joking,
even if you already have a girlfriend or are married--don't do
it.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN199">3.8. Do act friendly</H2
><P
>When women aren't being hit on, we're often being completely
ignored, instead. This isn't any better. Women new to a group often
want the same things men want - we want to feel welcomed, we want to
talk about subjects of mutual interest, we want to make friends. When
a woman says something, listen and respond in a friendly manner.
Start a conversation and find a topic you're both interested in
talking about. Don't assume that because she's a woman, she has
stereotypically female interests or opinions, instead, keep an open
mind and listen for clues about what she is interested in. Most
likely, she has interests beyond hair, makeup, and movie stars if
she's involved in Linux.</P
><P
>Several women have complained that all men seem to be able to
talk about with them is why women stay away from computers. While
it's an important issue, women would like to talk about something else
most of the time, and we would especially not like to be reminded of
how "weird" we are when we first join a group. Wait until she's
settled in and feels comfortable before bringing up the subject if
you're curious about it.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN203">3.9. Don't complain about the lack of women in computing</H2
><P
>It's useful and constructive to talk about the lack of women in
computing when you are approaching it from the viewpoint of the women
who are being left out of an exciting and rewarding field. It's sad
and pathetic to talk about the lack of women in computing from the
viewpoint of a man who blames his lackluster love life on the lack of
women in computing. The best way to annoy and drive away women is to
talk about the lack of women in computers in this way. Here are some
of the more common reactions of a woman listening to a man whine about
the lack of women in his field:</P
><P
></P
><UL
><LI
><P
>"What am I, invisible? Does he know I'm here?" </P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"Good to hear that I exist only to serve lonely men." </P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"Pathetic. You're so pathetic."</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"Then why don't you do something about it instead of complaining?"</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"Once again, everyone assumes that only men are listening." </P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"Maybe I shouldn't be in this field."</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"What's wrong with me that I'm here and other women aren't?" </P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"He's so self-centered." </P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend." </P
></LI
><LI
><P
>"Not only am I in a meat market, I'm the chopped liver." </P
></LI
></UL
><P
>As you can see, not only does whining about the lack of women
make you annoying to women, it also makes the women who are here more
likely to leave. In no case does it result in a woman being more
likely to date you.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN228">3.10. Do encourage women in computing</H2
><P
>Instead of complaining about the lack of women, start doing
something about it. Take women's complaints seriously (starting with
this HOWTO), read the studies on why women avoid computers, math, and
science in general, and find ways that you can help encourage women.
Be encouraging and supportive when other people discuss the reasons
why women are being driven out of computing. If you have the
opportunity, try to mentor women. Mentoring means guiding,
encouraging, and counseling someone in their education and career.
Not everyone is capable of mentoring, and it's difficult to find
compatible mentors and mentees, but when it does work out, the results
can be spectacular. Don't, however, think of mentoring as a way to
find a girlfriend - all a mentor gets out of the relationship is
reflected glory from your student and the joy of watching another
person grow.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN231">3.11. Don't stare and point when women arrive</H2
><P
>Nobody likes being stared or pointed at. Why would a
woman like it either? Many women complain that when they walk into a
room of Linux enthusiasts, suddenly, the conversation stops, everyone
turns around and looks, and few people even point to make sure their
buddies can see what everyone is staring at. This is intimidating and
unpleasant, and more than enough to make a woman swear never to
return.</P
><P
>A good quote from Mia, a women in Linux: <A
NAME="AEN235"><BLOCKQUOTE
CLASS="BLOCKQUOTE"
><P
>&#13;"I've never bothered going to a LUG but I've been to other geek events
where everyone has turned around and stared when I walked in... it
felt more like the 'stranger walks into a bar scene' in a western than
anything else."</P
></BLOCKQUOTE
></P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN237">3.12. Do treat new arrivals politely</H2
><P
>When a woman walks into a LUG meeting or posts on a mailing
list, act nonchalant. Try as much as possible to treat her like any
other person you would like to have as part of your group. Remember,
it's not flattering to remind her that she's one of a kind, special,
rare, or weird. Start pretending that women are a normal part of the
Linux community and you'll go a long way towards making that a
reality.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN240">3.13. Don't treat women stereotypically</H2
><P
>Don't assume that all women like cooking, sewing, and babies,
and are at the LUG or on the mailing list only because their
boyfriend, son, or husband are interested in Linux. One woman says
that every time someone in her LUG explained something to her, they
would use an analogy to cooking or babies, assuming that those were
the subjects she was most familiar with. Don't assume we aren't
interested in cars, math, fighter jets, or robotics. Don't assume
that we don't know how to compile a kernel--I personally know at least
fifteen women who can compile their own kernels and several of those
also write kernel code. If you're lucky, one of them will show up to
your LUG or mailing list, and you wouldn't want to insult her by
assuming she couldn't even install her own machine. Don't assume that
she got interested in computers because she liked to chat or send
instant messages. Women are about as likely to cuss as men--don't do
a double-take if you cuss in front of a woman. If she's read any of
the kernel code (notably arch/sparc/), she's heard of the word "fuck"
before.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN243">3.14. Do treat women as normal people</H2
><P
>As much as you can, act like the women in your group are just
normal people, because we are just normal people. Some people
complain, "Women want to be treated just like normal people, but then
they tell me not to make sexist jokes around them! That's a paradox!"
Well, if you define "normal people" as "the men I usually hang out
with," then it is a paradox. If you include women in your definition
of "normal people," and then treat normal people in a fair and
respectful way, then women don't require any special treatment.
</P
><P
>If you're still unsure of how to treat women, try the following:
Be friendly but not overbearing, be casual, start conversations the
way you normally do, move on when the conversation is over. If you
spend most of your time around a very specific subset of the male
population, you will have to change your behavior to some degree, but
this is just as true as if you were talking to a man from a totally
different background. If you find that you have to heavily modify
your behavior in order to not offend women, you should consider
changing your behavior in all circumstances. No one is fooled if you
simply stop making sexist jokes when women are around but continue to
make them when (you think) women aren't around.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN247">3.15. Don't criticize too much</H2
><P
>Women are socialized to be far more sensitive to criticism than
men, as well as more critical of themselves. As a result, women are
far more likely to be driven off by heavy or unfair criticism than
men. When you're tempted to criticize, try to remember that
absolutely no one was born knowing how to compile a kernel and that at
one point, you didn't know anything about Linux, either. People will
lose interest in something if they perceive themselves as being bad at
it, so if you want someone to continue being interested in Linux,
don't criticize her so much that she believes she isn't any good at
it.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN250">3.16. Do compliment</H2
><P
>Women have much lower self-confidence than men on average, and will
generally judge themselves far more harshly than any outsider.
Compliments help improve her self-confidence, which in turn keeps her
interested in the subject. If she believes that she's not good at
Linux, she'll probably stop working on Linux.</P
><P
>The following are some guidelines for complimenting anyone:
<P
></P
><UL
><LI
><P
>Be sincere and truthful. If you really think her program is
an ugly piece of garbage, don't tell her that you admire its syntactic
beauty. Find something you can honestly admire and compliment
that.</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>Be specific. "You're good at Linux," is meaningless, "You
always know which distribution to recommend," is specific and
therefore meaningful.</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>Be appropriate. Don't compliment a kernel developer on
installing Linux. Don't compliment a gimp developer on her use of
layers. Be sure that your compliment actually reflects a significant
accomplishment rather than demonstrating your ignorance of her level
of expertise.</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>Compare to yourself. If she learned bash scripting more
quickly than you did, tell her so. Say, "Wow, you learned bash
scripting after X months. It took me 2*X months to learn that." Or
if she made a silly compilation mistake, tell her about your worst
compilation mistake. When she learns that her mistakes are not
unusual, she'll feel better.</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>Compliment before you criticize. If you do have a
constructive piece of criticism, it's a good idea to start out by
telling her what she did right.</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>Compliment and don't criticize. Don't always follow a
compliment with a criticism. More often, compliment her and be done
with it.</P
></LI
><LI
><P
>Don't brag. Saying, out of the blue, "She can compile her own
kernel!" and beaming fondly upon her is not complimentary, it's
bragging about her abilities as if you are responsible in some way for
her success. Parents are especially prone to bragging. Pointing out
her expertise in an unobtrusive and subtle manner is much better -
"Oh, well, if you have a question about kernel compilation, she might
be able to help you better than I can." When someone points out my
capabilities in this manner, it's indescribably wonderful.</P
></LI
></UL
>
</P
><P
>You almost certainly shouldn't compliment her on her hair, her
face, her body, or her sweet temperament. If she's interested in
Linux, she is, by definition, a geek, and probably wants to be
complimented on her intelligence, abilities, and hard work.
Compliment her on installing Linux for the first time, on her
customized desktop, on her intelligent and interesting questions
during the last meeting. A compliment on anything else is
inappropriate and will be seen as a sexual advance (because it almost
always is), and will make her feel more uncomfortable and less
confident.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN270">3.17. Don't invite only male speakers</H2
><P
>If all your speakers are always men, women will notice and not
feel welcome. Role models people can identify with are important to
staying interested in a field.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN273">3.18. Do ask women to speak</H2
><P
>It's surprisingly easy to find technically brilliant female
computer scientists willing to come speak to your group. If you
explain that you are trying to encourage women in computers, many
women will be even more likely to speak at your event. Women speakers
are probably the number one way to get women to come to your event.
They will be able to see a role model, ask her questions about her
experiences, and for a few hours at least, not feel like the only
woman who's interested in computers. Be sure that when you do invite
a woman speaker that you advertise the event well, especially to
women.</P
><P
>One woman says that she noticed her LUG paid less attention to
and was ruder to women speakers. She thought it might be because the
members dismissed the possibility of her knowing anything they didn't
already know. Be sure not to let this happen to your women
speakers.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN277">3.19. Don't micro-specialize</H2
><P
>Maybe you and your friends are perfectly happy to show up to
your local LUG and talk about the same topics (the latest video card,
first-person shooters, robots) every week, but for whatever reason,
few women have the endless interest in minutiae that men often
display. Try not to have all your speakers talk about
micro-specialties, or always discuss the same areas of
robotics.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN280">3.20. Do discuss broader topics</H2
><P
>Arrange for speakers on a wider range of issues than just
technical specialties. Women tend to be more interested in political
and social issues surrounding computing, and women also tend to have a
broader range of technical interests within computer science. Try
scheduling a discussion on compilers if you always end up talking
about USB, or a review of the open source licenses instead of
endlessly rehashing the discussion about binary-only Nvidia
modules.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN283">3.21. Don't make your meetings hard to attend</H2
><P
>About the worst LUG meeting possible: 10pm on Monday night, in a
warehouse in downtown, the unmarked entrance is in a deserted and
poorly lit alleyway, and no public transport is nearby. Oh, and we're
serving pizza (choices: meat, double meat, and extra spicy meat) and
cheap beer. Did I mention we're going out to a sports bar
afterward?</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN286">3.22. Do make meetings easy to attend</H2
><P
>As usual, following these suggestions will make your meetings
more attractive to everyone. Try to schedule your meetings at family
and school friendly times - not too late in the evening. Make sure
your meeting is in a safe, well lit place with easy access to public
transportation, if your city has any. If you want new people to
attend, the meeting place should be clearly marked and easy to find.
If you serve food or drink, try to vary the menu a bit. After an
informal survey, we discovered that women tend to prefer sandwiches,
fruit, and vegetables instead of pizza. Chinese takeout is one way to
easily provide a variety of different food. Consider having a
vegetarian menu option. If members of the LUG socialize outside
meetings, try to do things which are welcoming to people of different
backgrounds.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN289">3.23. Don't make new people feel unwelcome</H2
><P
>If a new person shows up and all the established people refuse
to talk to or acknowledge the new person, the new person is unlikely
to come back. Most likely, everyone is just too shy to say hello, but
that doesn't make any difference. Additionally, if other members
immediately attack or challenge or just ignore everything the newcomer
has to say, she won't be interested in returning.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN292">3.24. Do help new people get involved</H2
><P
>Ask new people to introduce themselves and talk about their own
projects and interests for a bit. Try more informal meeting styles -
instead of a speaker and a silent audience, have a panel question and
answer session or a round table discussion. Let members speak for a
few minutes on their own projects, so new people who share their
interests know who to talk to. If you have someone who doesn't mind
speaking to strange people, ask them to serve as host and welcome new
people to the group or mailing list.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN295">3.25. Don't underestimate girlfriends or wives</H2
><P
>Many women involved in Linux or computing are also dating or
married to men with similar interests. Many people then assume that
the woman is only interested in Linux because her boyfriend or husband
is. Women are sometimes introduced to Linux through a boyfriend
(which shouldn't make their interest less valid or less important).
More often, women become interested in Linux or computing, start
making friends and meeting people in the field, and because there are
so few women in the field, we unsurprisingly often have little
difficulty finding a person to date in the same field. Don't conclude
that because most women in Linux are dating or married to someone also
involved in Linux, that women are only interested in Linux because of
that relationship. For many women, interest in Linux predates her
current relationship. I personally became interested in Linux while I
was dating an English major who wouldn't know an operating system if
it walked up and bit him.</P
><P
>One of the LinuxChix reports that her first invitation to speak
at a conference was as a member of a panel entitled "Wives of
Hackers." The prominent open source celebrity who suggested the panel
didn't understand why she was insulted. After all, her own work in
open source was apparently insignificant compared to being the wife of
a famous kernel hacker.</P
></DIV
><DIV
CLASS="sect2"
><H2
CLASS="sect2"
><A
NAME="AEN299">3.26. Do treat girlfriends and wives as independent people</H2
><P
>Girlfriends or wives of people interested in Linux also have
their own lives and accomplishments, and frequently those are also in
the area of Linux or open source or computing. Instead of treating
her as an adjunct to her boyfriend or husband, recognize that she has
her own interests and areas of expertise, and talk to her about
them.</P
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